Are you afraid of vampires?  Well vampires are no match for the little winged jerks that arrived over the last week to assault me in the yard.

Tabanus nigrovittatus – the salt marsh greenhead fly – a wicked little insect with a blood thirst far greater than any vampire on the crap TV my human watches.

I first encountered them last week when I went outside to do my usual morning business.  They swarmed in at me with the ferocity of young girls meeting Justin Bieber (I have better hair by the way).  It was an ambush! I could do little more to deflect them than snap my mouth and flail about in terror.  I ran around like crazy!  My human ushered me back in the house to safety, where I continued to feel like phantom flies were still attacking me for an additional 5 minutes. 

There were a few more outdoor encounters with the nasty blood-sucking aviators, and I now suffer from PFSD (post-fly stress disorder).  I am wary of going out of the house. The human opens the door for me to go out, and I look at her like she is nuts. Then the grappling begins.  She all but carries me out the door, while I push backwards like a stubborn donkey. 

Today she sprayed me with some odd-smelling mixture*** before bear-hugging me out the door.  I cringed in fear with each step I took.  I imagined the greenheads’ tiny soprano voices chanting “every breath you take, every move you make… we’ll be watching you.” 

Suddenly they appeared!  They swarmed… I ducked… I dove… They buzzed……… but they didn’t seem to bite!!!  Very nice!  What was that stuff you sprayed on me?

I am still suffering from PFSD, and still not confident about stepping out the door.  But the flies aren’t biting!  The smelly spray stuff has improved my quality of outdoor life.  Thanks Human!

[***Human’s Note: Two home-remedy, green head fly repellants were recommended to me by my dog lover friends: 1) a few drops of cedar oil mixed with water in a spray bottle 2) a mix of yellow Listerine and water in a spray bottle. I tried the Listerine so far with success. Thanks to friends Mike and Lisa for the tips!!!]

MUGSHOT OF LITTLE WINGED JERK